hooobajube

So I am still here 10 years later. I am alive unlike most of my friends, either by their own hand or by some other means. I feel heavier this year for some reason. My heart is more weighed down and I really find my self truely and honestly angry. Really really angry. I know I shouldn't have watched the news coverage on it but I had to. I just need to watch it. What makes me angry the most is that the reporters seemed to be trying to get all of the familys and everyone they interviewed to try and say how angry they were or who they blamed and just trying to drag up so much more shit than need be. That was just the icecream on my very livid sundae.

The special piss you off more chocolate sauce was this new book published by some psycologist that thinks he knows so much about everything related to the shooting including Eric and Dylan. He says that they were not outcasts and that they were actually part of the poplular crowd. Now if that were true then I was the friggin captian of the cheerleading squad. My ass. This man thinks oh well its 10 years later what would it hurt to tell everyone what they thought they knew was a lie and oh yeah they will believe me because I have some degree I obviously got out of a fucking crackerjack box.

Moving on from the anger. I do look back today and remember. I remember all the hurt and all the emotions that I went through today. I remember making my self sick with worry over friends and teachers. I remember going to clement park in the days after to be with friends and remember. I remember how it seemed surreal and how it was like watching my life on a movie screen. I remember all my friends that were scared, physicaly and emotionally. I remember everyone lost and I will never forget what happend and I will pass it on to my children.